Life is a series of negotiations: whether you’re buying a car, asking for a raise at work or selling a domain name. So I picked up the book Never Split the Difference: Negotiating As If Your Life Depended On It figuring I could learn something.
The book outlined some eye opening negotiation principles from the co-author, Chris Voss, based on his career as an FBI hostage negotiator and award-winning teacher at prestigious business schools. Currently Chris is CEO of the Black Swan Group in Los Angeles.
Since reading the book I’ve applied some of Chris’ principles in various aspects of my personal life as well as in my domaining business. I’ve been amazed at how well they work.
After writing about the book in my blog post at DNgeek, I decided to ask for an interview. Chris was generous enough to give his time exclusively for NamePros readers. I tried to draw out information that applied to the unique circumstances of domain sales. Many of his responses surprised me.
Here’s what Chris had to say to my questions:
In your book you say that everything we’ve previously been taught about negotiation is wrong. That we are not rational negotiators and that compromise is the worst thing we can do. You say the real art of negotiation lies in mastering the intricacies of No, not Yes. That’s pretty revolutionary. To begin with, let me ask you why emotional intelligence is a better approach than the usual methods involving logic and reason?
And one of the things we deeply care about in a negotiation is money, right?
What kind of information do we want to acquire during the negotiation process?
How do we obtain information about the client’s wants or needs when we’re communicating via email?
So your advice is to slow the process down and move one step at a time?
So instead of laying out the “seven chess moves” in one email what would you say to the client?
How can we get information about the customer’s wants and needs when we’re dealing with a broker?
Why is straightforward and honest the best approach in a negotiation?
Then how do we respond truthfully when someone asks “what’s the lowest amount you would accept?”
How do we respond when someone says “I think my offer is fair”?
Do you think President-elect Trump uses emotional intelligence to his advantage?
The book outlined some eye opening negotiation principles from the co-author, Chris Voss, based on his career as an FBI hostage negotiator and award-winning teacher at prestigious business schools. Currently Chris is CEO of the Black Swan Group in Los Angeles.
Since reading the book I’ve applied some of Chris’ principles in various aspects of my personal life as well as in my domaining business. I’ve been amazed at how well they work.
After writing about the book in my blog post at DNgeek, I decided to ask for an interview. Chris was generous enough to give his time exclusively for NamePros readers. I tried to draw out information that applied to the unique circumstances of domain sales. Many of his responses surprised me.
Here’s what Chris had to say to my questions:
In your book you say that everything we’ve previously been taught about negotiation is wrong. That we are not rational negotiators and that compromise is the worst thing we can do. You say the real art of negotiation lies in mastering the intricacies of No, not Yes. That’s pretty revolutionary. To begin with, let me ask you why emotional intelligence is a better approach than the usual methods involving logic and reason?
Logic is like beauty. It’s entirely in the eye of the beholder. Logic and reason are the things that we construct after we’ve already made up our mind based on our gut instincts. If we make decisions based on what we care about then by definition decision making is an emotional process. Care is not the synonym for reason. Care is the synonym for emotion.
And one of the things we deeply care about in a negotiation is money, right?
Yes. My son [and business partner] often likes to say that price is one of the most emotional terms in the negotiation.
What kind of information do we want to acquire during the negotiation process?
You’re going to want to find out what their terms are. But what’s even more important is: what are the emotional definitions behind those terms? What does each term mean to them? You can use emotional meanings to sculpt the terms. You want to give them what is most emotionally valuable for them. Maybe you give them the same amount of money but you can change the emotional definitions of the deal through negotiation.
How do we obtain information about the client’s wants or needs when we’re communicating via email?
Here’s the first problem. Negotiating via email is like playing chess via email. Are you going to put your next seven chess moves in one email? Well, probably not.
But that’s the way most people want to negotiate in an email. They want to lay out their whole game plan and their chain of logic. What happens in that static communication is the reader gets a chance to look at where the email starts and where the email ends and they get to sit there and stare at it. Then if they don’t like where it ends they just move back, four or five moves, and take off in a different direction. So my first recommendation is to make one move at a time in an email.
So your advice is to slow the process down and move one step at a time?
Yes. A phrase that I’ve borrowed from a Federal judge is: “delaying to save time.”
So instead of laying out the “seven chess moves” in one email what would you say to the client?
I would send an email that says: What is the immortality here? What are you trying to accomplish? What would owning this domain name do for you? That would be a great email, those three questions. They are all driving at exactly the same point.
How can we get information about the customer’s wants and needs when we’re dealing with a broker?
Repetition of key questions is really important even though people hate to repeat their questions because their fear is that it will make them look stupid. But the important thing about the repetition of key questions is that if you ask a broker the same question enough times they’ll eventually go back to the person they are representing and say: “I’m being asked this question and I just want to make sure the answer I’ve been giving is good.”
You can’t tell the broker: “repeat this question word for word to your principle.” But if you make them answer it enough times then they’ll start to get worried about their answer. And as soon as they’re afraid that their answer may not be right they’ll go back to their client and check it. That’s how you get your question repeated to the client.
Why is straightforward and honest the best approach in a negotiation?
Lying always catches up with you. You can only lie for so long. It’s like taking cocaine. It keeps you awake and gives you energy, right? So why not take cocaine all the time? Well because it’s going to catch up with you and then you’re going to be dead.
Then how do we respond truthfully when someone asks “what’s the lowest amount you would accept?”
That’s an intentionally manipulative question. My response might be: “how am I supposed to answer that?” Or I might say: “are you making me an offer or just fishing for a price?”
How do we respond when someone says “I think my offer is fair”?
Nobody ever uses the term fair to justify their position if they have objective market criteria to back it up. For example, Donald Trump uses that all the time. He says “your criticisms of me are unfair.” Because he doesn’t have anything else to back it up. He just doesn’t like it. So fair is an arbitrary term just like beauty and value.
Do you think President-elect Trump uses emotional intelligence to his advantage?
I think he uses some aspects of it to his advantage. I think he’s a poster child for the aggressive negotiator with all its strengths and weaknesses.
We talk about the three different types of negotiators in my book, Never Split The Difference. In order to be the consummate negotiator you need to use aspects of all three negotiator types: The Assertive, The Accommodator and The Analyst.
You can go an awfully long way with just one of those types if you keep getting better and better at it. You just don’t get as far as you could have gotten using all three. For example, Donald Trump’s businesses are far flung either because he has ADHD when it comes to geography or he uses up his ability to make deals in any given location and he has to move on. I think if you look at his history it’s because he uses up his ability to make deals in any given location due to his assertive negotiation style.